Experiencing Technical Difficulties

When I got the news that one of the two fractures in my foot hadn’t healed since the injury that happened 6 months previously, I replied, “Well, that’s interesting.” In that moment I wondered why this had to be so. Why did I now need to be using crutches and off my foot for 8 weeks? What would come of this? I dutifully went to get my cast and crutches and soon sank into a meltdown. I thought I couldn’t manage and I didn’t even want to have to figure out how. I didn’t see how I could still be effective in my job as a Nanny. Wouldn’t they want to hire someone else who could do it all? I didn’t even want to think about how cleaning would pile up at home. How could I cook meals or shower?

I just wanted to quit. I had a tantrum. Silly? Of course. Necessary? Not really. I had help and I had offers of help continuously. While I was only thinking about poor me, I couldn’t realize that I didn’t have to make a go of it alone. People care about me. Help happened. Even total strangers offered assistance and I learned to adapt; to do things differently. I also learned to accept help and (the big one) to ask for it. It kinda changed my identity; my idea of capable me, the one who does, the one who serves. I like to do more for others than for myself.

So why did this 8 weeks of ‘different living’ happen? I get hints now and then. I think something different needs to happen occasionally so that patterns and habits get a chance to shift. This time forced me to slow down; to have time to consider what’s really important to me–and who. My family assisted. My employer made exceptions. My friends listened. My spouse ‘had my back’ like he said he would–it was a chance to ‘honor’. When the crutches and cast were done, I had to learn to walk again. I had to accept myself and learn to love my new self. This is still in progress! The fracture isn’t completely healed yet; I still limp a bit but for a time, I let people into my world in different ways. I let others do some of the doing and serving; really–the caring. It is a gift to do more for others. That is a great segue to my next post. Read on 🙂

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