The perfect not perfect partners

I once wrote a letter to the universe outlining the desired qualities for my potential partner. This came some time after my first marriage ended. I figured he could have a sense of humor, be loving, be financially seccure, yada, yada, yada. I was quite thorough with what I thought would suit me. My partners since then have had some of those qualities and I realized it’s a big list; impossible for one man to be all of it. Of course, I did not get the one ‘perfect partner’ that I sought yet I have been learning through interactions with men who have come my way.

Now, I am gifted with having a man in my life who is not perfect. He is not my ideal spouse nor does he act perfect. He is more. He is more than I could hope for or know that I needed when I wrote that letter to the universe. He is more than I thought I wanted. He loves me. He is committed to finding one truth that works for all and living in love and in alignment with God.

We have times that are challenging, times that are simple, funny, loving, tender, and surprising. We are learning to allow each other to be new. Of course, this happens by finding out how and when my ego activity doesn’t allow him to be new. I don’t know him. I cannot predict behaviour or events, much as I might try. I cannot base my interpretation of now based on what I think I know of the past. I can be curious and interested in my partner, and discuss what shows up for us.

He has had the experience of a long term relationship. I’m a newbie and I get scared. I sometimes forget to allow growth, mistakes, eruptions, frustrations and expressions–all of which can show up within a loving, forgiving, intimate relationship that is first committed to remembering that we are not separate from our Source and not from each other. Interesting though, that we are all unique. I want him to be a man, coming home to himself; his true Self, not who he or I think he should be. It is a perfect relationship, designed to stretch us.

I am not a perfect partner. I get caught in habits and ego struggles. When I am confused, forgetful and doubtful, I tend to withdraw. I read, I write, I cry, walk, make a fuss and feel remorse. I witness all the garbage in my mind until it clears and my heart remembers what I am here for. By grace, clarity comes. Recently I read in one of my favorite books, a passage that speaks the essence of any kind of vows that I would make for this relationship.


Paul Ferrini shares from the ending of his book, Silence of the Heart

“Namaste. I accept your humanness and mine. And I also bow to the divinity in each of us. I accept our absolute spiritual equality as beings. And I also accept that we each forget who we are.

I celebrate the fact that we are waking up together, and I appreciate the fact that, as each of us pushes up against our fear, we nod off to sleep… [may God’s patient Heart be found in our hearts. May we awaken to the truth of who we are]” (original words have been changed in last part)


These paragraphs sruck me as particularly helpful for viewing my spousal relationship but essentially apply to any relationship I find myself in whether it’s with my boss, my family, neighbors or strangers on the street. How different this world may be if we could all greet each other with this respect and forgiveness. Can we allow each other and ourselves to be not perfect? Can we see that what we need is, perfectly, right before us?